Things I’m afraid to tell you

July 18, 2012 – One of the joys of blogging is discovering other bloggers and reading what they have to say.

While perusing through the Fresh Pressed blogs that Word Press features each day, I came across an entry that lead me to a blog by Jess Constable entitled “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You”. Jess wrote about some of her biggest fears and although she didn’t do it to start a movement for other bloggers to follow in her footsteps, they did so and willingly.

I’ve been inspired by the honesty and bravery of the bloggers that took part in this experiment and decided to give it a go. Each confession below is one I do my best to hide from the world, so this is a little unnerving for me to admit. Perhaps I am naïve to think that others can’t see through me, but bless the little souls of everyone I know who haven’t told me that I’m not fooling them.

I may be a little late to the party, but here goes:

I’m not sure I’ve ever been in love.
This might be the saddest confession of all, but I wonder about this each time I hear my friends talk about the sadness of ending a relationship. I simply don’t see the point in wallowing over lost love, and seem to get over relationships very fast. Even stranger, the last time I felt like I had my heart broken, I was a teenager.

I suffer from writer’s envy.
I can’t tell you how many blogs, books, movie scripts, short story ideas, etc. that make me crazy jealous I didn’t think of the idea first. Maybe this is a common fear for most writers, but sometimes it paralyzes me and makes me question if I have any talent at all.

I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied.
Every day I strive to live a grateful life, but no matter how much I search for or achieve, it still feels like something is missing. I’m not sure what to do about that.

I worry too much.
This is something I also try to keep in control; I’ve even read books on the power of now and living in the moment, but it usually doesn’t work. I’m not sure why worrying is my go to emotion. I’m lucky that most things turn out well in my life. My big fear is that I’m one of those people who aren’t happy unless they are worried about something.

I go out of my way to avoid any confrontation — probably because I’m insecure.
I remember being a freshman in high school and watching the seniors do their thing. I thought they had it all together, and I told myself that by the time I was a senior, I’d have it all together, too. That was 35 years ago and it still hasn’t happened. I’m still insecure, and it’s a terrible burden. I thought the greatest part about growing older was growing wiser and gaining confidence.

I cried when I wrote this post.
It’s the scariest post I’ve ever written. I can’t say that I feel liberated by it as others have stated, but I’m glad I did it.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Things I’m afraid to tell you

  1. I liked this post, Jane! Only confident people admit their fears and shortcomings, so you must have some confidence hiding inside 🙂

  2. Jane, how brave you are. I don’t know if I could publicly admit to my fears. But I do know you are not alone. I just started therapy to deal with my fears and anxiety. I think it is a human condition and admitting it is the first step to conquering it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s